Dealing With In-Law Expectations


Parents in law had the way of putting pressure on you without an effort on their part. Simply saying— we are inclined to put our best foot forward when it comes to our in-laws. We want to look our best in order to justify the choice of their daughter or son. And sometimes when circumstances hit us below, we try to hide from the reality of the consequences. That's when financial debt and crisis arises. We tend to borrow money in order to continue our good impression with these family members. In the end we suffer from these actions.

Be honest of who you really are
Being honest with self does not mean you have to show everything you felt it may be bad or good. Of course you should try to please your in laws but not at the expense on your own happiness. Pleasing them means allowing you to be with them and to spend quality time with them during family gatherings in order to get to know them. Giving yourself a chance to meet and know your in-laws will have your opportunity to know your partner's family background. You will also understand the character and attitude of your partner through the chance of knowing his family. Be always honest with what you really feel and let them know what you wanted also for them to know you as well.

Respect is the best character
Respect should be on top of your list when dealing with your in-laws. You have no authority or command over them that are why you can not dictate nor command them of what you want. Always respect what they wanted or decided. And as long as it does not affect your family's plan or your plan for your family, respect your in-laws advices. Respecting their advices means listening to them but not necessarily accepting it as you own. Although you can try to consider it, but if you think it does not go with the plans you have with your spouse you can also explain this to them.

Voice your own opinion but not to the point of being arrogant
Sometimes voicing your own opinion in front of your in-laws can be misquoted as being disrespectful. If you think your opinion will affect your in-laws opinion, try to relate it in an indirect way. You can also try to persuade them on your side by being friendly in tone and positive in views. Do not counter act their opinion with negative opinion instead voice your opinion in a positive view. In this way you do not create negative communication between the two of you, and you have also expressed your own side. Frustration from being meek can caused negative feeling on your part against them. So do not let this happen, be open-minded and at the same time have faith with your own views also.

As much as possible do not cause rift between yourself and your in-laws because this will affect your spouse's disposition also. Your spouse can not choose between the two of you and you can not let him do that too. Respect is you're forearmed armed to meet your in-law's expectation towards you.

Richard C. Milton