Ever wondered what actually all those fancy statements in job classifieds mean?
Don’t speculate any more.
Here is a translation what you can REALLY expect whenever you see one of these in a Classifieds Careers/Jobs section:
«Willing to work long hours» -> translation: Forget about your family, or any personal life at all!
«You are a self-starter»-> translation: We have no idea what we are doing, but we sincerely hope, you will!
«Can work independently»-> translation: Don’t expect any support from us!
«Exceptionally positive attitude»-> translation: Boss is an asshole and a dictator who blows off his top thirteen times a day!
«Stamina to work long hours»-> translation: In other words you are expected to be a cross between a jackass, a camel and an ox!
«Provide assurance and consulting services to our clients»-> translation: You are an extremely skillful liar!
«Exceptional organizational skills»-> translation: We hope we finally get someone who can clean up that big mess we have here!
«Winning positive attitude»-> translation: Never get bogged down no matter how stupid the management decisions are!
«Ability to work in fast-paced environment»-> translation: Break? What break?
«You feel like an essential member of a corporate family»-> translation: You are not going to tell our secrets to the tax office, right?
«You are responsible and dependable»-> translation: We expect you to keep your mouth shut no matter what you see, what we do/don’t do!
«Willingness to work hard»-> translation: Slavery, the legal way
«Extremely busy environment»-> translation: We are understaffed
«Friendly customer service»-> translation: You are mentally challenged and smiling to it!
«Outstanding customer support service»-> translation: You have an experience working as a lion tamer or at least as a high school teacher!
«Ability to work in a challenging environment»-> translation: You can always B.S. your way out!
«Positive outlook»-> translation: What? You expect us to actually pay you for your work…?!