Secret of How To Properly Read Job Ads


Ever wondered what actually all those fancy statements in job classifieds mean?

Don’t speculate any more.

Here is a translation what you can REALLY expect whenever you see one of these in a Classifieds Careers/Jobs section:

«Willing to work long hours» -> translation: Forget about your family, or any personal life at all!

«You are a self-starter»-> translation: We have no idea what we are doing, but we sincerely hope, you will!

«Can work independently»-> translation: Don’t expect any support from us!

«Exceptionally positive attitude»-> translation: Boss is an asshole and a dictator who blows off his top thirteen times a day!

«Stamina to work long hours»-> translation: In other words you are expected to be a cross between a jackass, a camel and an ox!

«Provide assurance and consulting services to our clients»-> translation: You are an extremely skillful liar!

«Exceptional organizational skills»-> translation: We hope we finally get someone who can clean up that big mess we have here!

«Winning positive attitude»-> translation: Never get bogged down no matter how stupid the management decisions are!

«Ability to work in fast-paced environment»-> translation: Break? What break?

«You feel like an essential member of a corporate family»-> translation: You are not going to tell our secrets to the tax office, right?

«You are responsible and dependable»-> translation: We expect you to keep your mouth shut no matter what you see, what we do/don’t do!

«Willingness to work hard»-> translation: Slavery, the legal way

«Extremely busy environment»-> translation: We are understaffed

«Friendly customer service»-> translation: You are mentally challenged and smiling to it!

«Outstanding customer support service»-> translation: You have an experience working as a lion tamer or at least as a high school teacher!

«Ability to work in a challenging environment»-> translation: You can always B.S. your way out!

«Positive outlook»-> translation: What? You expect us to actually pay you for your work…?!

Dagmar Rakos


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