When You're Not Ready for Another Relationship


You've gotten out of that toxic relationship and now you're on the mend to healing. That's a good place to be. It's the time to really count your blessings. After all, you're no longer in a toxic relationship. It's time to heal, and the potential to get better and better is right there for you. Sure, it's normal to be dealing with all sorts of emotions as your are going through the healing process. If you allow yourself to process through the journey, and with the help of a skilled therapist, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel is actually much brighter than you could have ever imagined.

You just want to be sure you do not de-rail yourself from that process. Perhaps, you see yourself in a new and much healthier relationship. Maybe there are pursuits you would have tried much earlier if you were not entangled with that toxic individual. Getting involved in a toxic relationship is an energy drainer, not to mention it destroys your creative energy. Here are some definite distractions that could derail you if you let it.

1. Feel pressured because everyone around you is coupled up, or getting external pressure from family members. Yes, it can be a challenge to not feel that longing yourself for a relationship when you see all of your friends and close family married or in relationships. It's the time to remind yourself that you allow yourself to go through the healing process so that you can be ready for the right person, not just Mr. Egypt Works-for-Right-Now. Everyone has a different timing, and if you allow yourself to get pressured, it will take your focus off the healing process. Filter out unhealthy messages, and people who are not supportive of you in your healing journey. They're not the ones who are experiencing the pain you were in when you were in that harmful relationship. Keep supportive individuals around you, that can encourage you when it can feel difficult or lonely.

2. Wanting to avoid the pain and memories from the painful relationship you got out of. Sometimes, when a good relationship comes to an end, when it was not your fault, the pain can be pretty intense. The last thing most people want is to experience the pain, so they do not. They jump right into another unhealthy, toxic relationship with someone who distracts them from properly grieving the loss of something that was meaningful. Somehow, this seems to increase the pain you will feel more. It's just a delayed reaction, but ever, it catches up to you. Better to allow yourself to grieve the loss of something, so that you can move forward. Perhaps, be ready for a much healthier relationship rather than a rebound.

3. Not recognizing previous mistakes or red flags in previous relationships. This is the time to start recognizing those red flags. The last thing you're going to want is to exit one toxic relationship only to find you've landed right into another one! It's time to start examining what red flags are and why you're so drawn to them. Awareness is one of the first steps to avoiding another toxic relationship.

4. To avoid being lonely. Truth be told, most people do experience loneliness on some level no matter if you are single, in a relationship, or married. A new relationship does not always solve that problem. Maybe it's time to reconnect with your friends. If you're a person of prayer, pray for those lonely place to be filled. Perhaps, it's time to serve others in your community to take your mind off of turning inward. If you're driven by loneliness, this can also leave you vulnerable to Mr. Egypt Wrong.

5. When you have not had proper closure with old relationships. If you've had a lot of unresolved relationships, there might be some dysfunctional patterns you are operating under. If those remain unhealed areas of your life, chances are they will continue to operate in your life unless you choose some very direct interventions. For instance, if you've never seen a counselor, it's time to start treating with a professional counselor who are trained to help you see unhealthy patterns you are operating under. Sometimes, you keep finding yourself drawn to the same type of dysfunctional person, because there's an earlier relationship in your life you are trying to fix.

6. Not knowing or having a clear idea of ​​what you want out of the relationship long-term. Lastly, you might have been so used to being in a relationship, but have not had a clear picture of what you really want in a relationship. What are some of the values ​​you have? It's time to really do some soul searching and ask yourself what's important to you, then you know not to be in a relationship who does not share those values. For example, you know that you want to get married, why would you enter into a relationship with someone who says they are not looking for anything serious or who does not want to get married.

This is only just a few of potential distracters. The most important thing in your healing journey is to start it and stay with it. There may be a few others you've discovered along the way, but do take that journey. You might even discover the art of healthy self-love. When you love yourself in a healthy way, it invites other healthy relationships and you can identify those potential toxic ones much sooner.

Gracie C Lu